MATHEMATICIANS ON THE BEACH
Why mathematicians aren't usually on the beach?
Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan.
HOW PEOPLE FROM DIFFERENT PROFESSIONS PROVE THAT EVERY ODD INTEGER BIGGER THAN 0 IS PRIME:
Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, and by induction
- every odd integer higher than 2 is a prime.
Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime, ...
Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime, 11 is a prime, ...
Programmer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 7 is a prime, ...
Salesperson: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- we'll do for you the best we can, ...
Computer Software Salesperson: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 will be prime in the next release, ...
Biologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- results have not arrived yet, ...
Advertiser: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 11 is a prime, ...
Lawyer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- there is not enough evidence to prove that it is not a prime, ...
Accountant: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, deducing 10% tax and 5% other obligations.
Statistician: Let's try several randomly chosen numbers -- 17 is a prime, 23 is a prime, 11 is a prime ...
Professor: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and the rest are left as an exercise for the student.
Computational linguist: 3 is an odd prime, 5 is an odd prime, 7 is an odd prime, 9 is a very odd prime, ...
Psychologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime but tries to suppress it, ...
Theoretical linguist: 1 is a prime, (*)
WHAT IS "PI"?
Mathematician: Pi is the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its
Engineer: Pi is about 22/7.
Physicist: Pi is 3.14159 plus or minus 0.000005
Computer Programmer: Pi is 3.141592653589 in double precision.
Nutritionist: You one track math-minded fellows, Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!
TOP ln(e^10) REASONS WHY e IS BETTER THAN pi
9) e is easier to spell than pi.
8) pi ~= 3.14 while e ~=2.718281828459045.
7) The character for e can be found on a keyboard, but pi sure can't.
6) Everybody fights for their piece of the pie.
5) ln(pi^1) is a really nasty number, but ln(e^1) = 1.
4) e is used in calculus while pi is used in baby geometry.
3) 'e' is the most commonly picked vowel in Wheel of Fortune.
2) e stands for Euler's Number, pi doesn't stand for squat.
1) You don't need to know Greek to be able to use e.
0) You can't confuse e with a food product.
The functions are sitting in a bar, chatting (how fast they go to zero at infinity
Suddenly, one cries "Beware! Derivation is coming!"
All immediately hide themselves under the tables, only the exponential sits calmly on the chair.
The derivation comes in, sees a function and says "Hey, you don't fear
"No, I'm e to x", says the exponential self-confidently.
"Well" replies the derivation "but who says I differentiate along x?"
What is the shortest mathematicians joke?
Let epsilon be smaller than zero.
WHY MATHEMATICIANS ARE DIFFERENT
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician (it is said) were holidaying
in Scotland. Glancing from a train window, they observed a black sheep in the
middle of a field.
"How interesting," observed the astronomer, "all scottish sheep are black!"
To which the physicist responded, "No, no! Some Scottish sheep are black!"
The mathematician gazed heavenward in supplication, and then intoned, "In Scotland there exists at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which is black."
An engineer, a chemist and a mathematician are staying in three adjoining cabins at an old motel. First the engineer's coffee maker catches fire. He smells the smoke, wakes up, unplugs the coffee maker, throws it out the window, and goes back to sleep. Later that night the chemist smells smoke too. He wakes up and sees that a cigarette butt has set the trash can on fire. He says to himself, "Hmm. How does one put out a fire? One can reduce the temperature of the fuel below the flash point, isolate the burning material from oxygen, or both. This could be accomplished by applying water." So he picks up the trash can, puts it in the shower stall, turns on the water, and, when the fire is out, goes back to sleep. The mathematician, of course, has been watching all this out the window. So later, when he finds that his pipe ashes have set the bedsheet on fire, he is not in the least taken aback. He says: "Aha! A solution exists!" and goes back to sleep.
A mathematician is in Africa trying to capture a lion. When he spots one he proceeds to build a fence around himself and says, "I define this to be outside!"
THE CHICKEN AGAIN
Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?
To get to the same side.
WHO WANTS TO DO HOMEWORK?
Approximately ten excuses for not doing homework:
What mathematics professors say and what they mean by it
YOU MIGHT BE A MATHEMATICIAN IF...
Contributed by Eduardo T. Hidal
(*) This item was contributed by John Rosen on Sept. 6, 2017. His justification:
"The point is that generative linguists (the school founded by Noam Chomsky)
are hyper-quick to generalize."
Edited by V.W.Setzer